I come from a family of 8 kids and I am basically right in the middle. I have 4 older siblings and 3 younger. So in a way I felt like the youngest and the oldest at the same time. By the time I was 16 I felt like all my older siblings were long gone. So that left me being the oldest to the younger 3.
Im sure you have heard of the middle child syndrome. I never really believed it when I was younger but now that I have a clearer view of how life was I really believe that I fell right into that title.
Im not here to say poor me. I just want to talk about what I’ve recognized from being the middle child.
1. RESPONSIBILITY
Yep, that’s exactly how I felt. It wasn’t forced, it was more like something I put on myself. I felt responsible for the younger and the older. BOY, that’s really tiring! I felt like it was up to me to help everyone make good choices… when I wasn’t even making them myself. Oops.
2. LEFT OUT
I put so much focus on including EVERYONE else that I felt left out because no one was including me. (Well maybe they were but thats just the way I felt.) I would put everyone above my feelings. If someone else asked for attention I just sat back and let them get it. While I was silently hurting and was desperate for any attention. Come to think of it. The way I got attention was by my bratty attitude.
3. STRESSED
I was basically born a stress ball. Don’t ask me why! I had an idea of how things were supposed to go and if they didn’t go as planned I would stress out and get angry and mad. So people called me G.G. (grumpy grouch). So my whole life I just felt like I was grumpy, moody, mean, snappy and stressed. It only took me 23 years to figure out that I had dealt with anxiety my whole life. It has actually felt incredible to discover this because that means Im not G.G.! Im so much more than that!
At the end of the day… I really felt over looked. I have felt sad about that for so long. Until recently. I heard something that has changed everything! “You teach people to treat you, by the way you treat yourself.” BAM! I have put everyone else above me. I say yes to way to many things. When Im tired and struggling I still say yes! I let my feelings get hurt because I don’t want to stand up for myself and hurt someone else’s feelings. I let people win, I make sure everyone else has a friend and feels included, I watch out for others, I come prepared, I plan things out with a lot of details, I give my time to others without asking for anything in return and I have made sure to put myself last. Wanna know what all of this has done for me? Its hurt me.
How can I ever expect anyone to put me first when all I have taught them is that they are more important them me. That they matter more then me.
You know what? This world is so BIG. So that means there is enough room for ME TOO!
I’ve decided to start putting myself first because I MATTER. I am important to. So its up to me to start teaching the world that I need space in it to. I know I’m not the only was who struggles with this.
So I’m putting this out there into the universe. Im talking about something that most people don’t because most people think everyone else needs to be put first. But if our cup isn’t full how can we ever help fill others?
Find people who will take care of you. Who will put you first. Who will allow you to take up space in this big ol’ world!
You deserve it!
